Weddings!
June has been consumed with weddings. Two weeks ago our son Case married Hillary at the Beach in Hilton Head during a storm. Last night was my first official beginning to end wedding (counselling included.) There was a storm last night too! They chose as their Gospel the wise man building his house on rock. For those of you who occasionally read this blog, they are the wonderful couple who adopted the dog we found last January. Happy Endings all around!!
Here is that sermon- photos in the next post from the lovely Hilton Head wedding!
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I was not surprised that Katie and Kent chose this as their wedding Gospel. Their foundation is something they have given a lot of time and energy to building. Consider the example of Raleigh the dog. You may have noticed him in your bulletin. In case you have not heard this story, Katie and Kent knew they wanted Raleigh back in February, but left him with a foster family until they were ready. During that time, they visited often, took him for outings and play dates, and also took him to the Veterinarian. Many an afternoon, Raleigh sat glumly in his foster parents’ front yard, as though staring at the driveway would force his real parents to magically appear. They had built a real foundation with him.
And on June 4th, when Raleigh finally moved to Northern KY, he entered the perfect apartment with an ideal niche for the crate and a big bag of dog food waiting for him. The Apartment is next to a park and only a block from the dog park. The windows in the apartment are grated so that Raleigh can observe his urban environment without fear of accidentally becoming “Under Dog.” The automobile has been equipped with a canine seat belt. And, wisely for an urban locale, Raleigh has been micro-chipped to keep him safe and traceable. Because of this thoughtful preparation, having Raleigh has turned out to be not only easy, but joyful. It is a wonderful story, and though I tell it tongue in cheek, it is a good example of what Jesus is talking about in the Gospel lesson.
Now Jesus prefaces his story by saying, “Anyone who hears my words and puts them into practice is like the wise man who built his house upon rock.” Hmmmmmm. That is just too tempting for a priest invited to give a homily. But never fear—I promise to keep it entertaining and as brief as possible.
So here it is, Katie and Kent, from the priest who has been with you for a very special part of your journey together. In apparent random order, hence not beginning with number ten, Here are JANEY’S TOP TEN FOR A JOYFUL AND SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE:
#1. Laugh. You know how to push each other’s buttons better than anyone else, even though you bend over backwards not to do it. But never forget that you also know how to make each other laugh. Choose laughter. Not only is it more important in the long run than whatever is bothering you, it creates a wonderful and intimate connection that foils sniping or nagging or fretting. Those things all melt away under the power of a shared smile.
#2. Open your hearts. Open them to one another and let that love spill out into the world around you. The prayers in this service today speak to the exemplary function of a good marriage, a model of Christ’s love for the church. As an old married couple now, you will have the obligation to show others what love is all about. Let me be clear that I am not advocating PDA’s that will make your friends and relatives roll their eyes! I am speaking of modeling a relationship where others can glance in from the outside and say, “Wow. Those two really love each other.” When you have that, you are required to share it. This is clear in both the feeling of the Song of Solomon reading, and the advice of Paul to the Colossians. “Let the word of Christ, rich as it is, dwell in your hearts.” Live with open hearts.
#3. Vacation. Now this might seem an odd choice for this list, and no, it is not just a way to work in my obsession with the beach! Vacation here refers to regularly leaving the flurry of life to focus on each other. It might be a walk in the park without Raleigh. It might be dinner out or a drive to where you can view the sunset together. It might be turning off the video game or the phone or closing down the work –from- home- computer. It is capturing, in some way-- every day-- the feeling of being away from the demands of your lives and deciding to be utterly present to each other. We often remember on vacation what really matters in our lives. Vacation every day.
#4. Everything is better in the morning. People who are gifted at foundation building need to know when to just let go and catch a few zzzz’s. There are really amazingly few things that have to be solved on the first pass or in the first discussion. Sleeping on it (see rule number 3) can actually make the decision easier and less full of strife. At the end of the day everything seems urgent; at the beginning of the day, everything is full of promise. And that leads [conveniently] to the next rule!
#5. Abundance, not scarcity. As Paul says, “You are God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved.” Do not live as though you never have enough, live as though you have everything. After all, in your love for God and each other, you do! Be generous and optimistic, for that is of God. Sing as the Psalmist sings, “God, our God, has blessed us.” Live that knowledge a hundred times a day. It will change not only your lives but the lives of others around you.
#6. Listen. You listen well to what each other says already. But never forget to listen to what is not being said. What is the reason behind what is being said? Forget the words—what is the tone of voice telling you? What are the eyes saying? What do the tears really mean? And answer with your own hearts. In this way, you will know that “Deep waters cannot quench love.”
#7. Watch out for each other. Well Duuh! On the surface this is coals to Newcastle. I have never seen two people who each work so hard to make sure that the other has the advantage. But this rule has less to do with understanding that it is “all my fault that the other one is aggravated,” and more to do with just simple kindness. You will divide the labor of living together and each of you will have many responsibilities. Like the Pirate says, those are not rules, they are guidelines! In fact, forget the guidelines once in a while! Just be very aware of which one of you needs more care and balance in any given moment. In the image of warriors with your backs to each other, the world will have no chance to conquer.
#8. Affection. Plants need water. Dogs need to play. Humans need love. Never be too busy for the hug in passing, or too distracted for the kiss before rushing in separate directions. Savor the occasional email only the two of you can understand. Tuck love notes into each other’s lunches. Fold each other’s laundry. You get the drift. Make it an addictive habit! These indeed are “wise words to put into practice.”
#9. Yes. Yes should be easy to remember! You said yes to God’s love for you by wanting Holy Eucharist as part of your wedding, and yes ‘I will’ to your love for each other. You said yes to wanting a covenant marriage. And everyone here said ‘yes we will’ to supporting you in that endeavor. Embrace the concept of yes.
#10. Spirituality. Well, you probably guessed I would not leave this one out!! I have nurtured you over the beginning of a shared spiritual life, and have observed joyfully your work in that direction. I have watched you grow closer as you have considered the place God holds in your life and your marriage. Geography will prevent my further supervision in this regard, though I leave you in good hands. Paul says it better than I ever could anyway: “Sing gratefully to God from your hearts in psalms, hymns, and inspired songs. Whatever you do, whether in speech or in action, do it in the name of the Lord Jesus. Give thanks to God the Father through him.” (Just so you know. . .these are not guidelines—these are rules!!)
So have you figured it out yet? Laugh, Open hearts, vacation, everything is better in the morning, abundance, listen, watch out for each other, affection, yes and spirituality? The first letter of all of these in the not so random order given spell out :
“Love Always.”
Love always.
That is the rock. It is the bedrock of God’s love for you through Christ, of your love for God and of your love for one another. It is the absolute foundation of the presence of each person here with you today as you say your vows to one another.
And, Katie and Kent, you have been wise indeed. Because when the rainy seasons come –and they will---and the wind buffets your house—and it will—your house will not collapse. You have chosen to set it solidly on rock.
Amen.
Here is that sermon- photos in the next post from the lovely Hilton Head wedding!
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
I was not surprised that Katie and Kent chose this as their wedding Gospel. Their foundation is something they have given a lot of time and energy to building. Consider the example of Raleigh the dog. You may have noticed him in your bulletin. In case you have not heard this story, Katie and Kent knew they wanted Raleigh back in February, but left him with a foster family until they were ready. During that time, they visited often, took him for outings and play dates, and also took him to the Veterinarian. Many an afternoon, Raleigh sat glumly in his foster parents’ front yard, as though staring at the driveway would force his real parents to magically appear. They had built a real foundation with him.
And on June 4th, when Raleigh finally moved to Northern KY, he entered the perfect apartment with an ideal niche for the crate and a big bag of dog food waiting for him. The Apartment is next to a park and only a block from the dog park. The windows in the apartment are grated so that Raleigh can observe his urban environment without fear of accidentally becoming “Under Dog.” The automobile has been equipped with a canine seat belt. And, wisely for an urban locale, Raleigh has been micro-chipped to keep him safe and traceable. Because of this thoughtful preparation, having Raleigh has turned out to be not only easy, but joyful. It is a wonderful story, and though I tell it tongue in cheek, it is a good example of what Jesus is talking about in the Gospel lesson.
Now Jesus prefaces his story by saying, “Anyone who hears my words and puts them into practice is like the wise man who built his house upon rock.” Hmmmmmm. That is just too tempting for a priest invited to give a homily. But never fear—I promise to keep it entertaining and as brief as possible.
So here it is, Katie and Kent, from the priest who has been with you for a very special part of your journey together. In apparent random order, hence not beginning with number ten, Here are JANEY’S TOP TEN FOR A JOYFUL AND SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE:
#1. Laugh. You know how to push each other’s buttons better than anyone else, even though you bend over backwards not to do it. But never forget that you also know how to make each other laugh. Choose laughter. Not only is it more important in the long run than whatever is bothering you, it creates a wonderful and intimate connection that foils sniping or nagging or fretting. Those things all melt away under the power of a shared smile.
#2. Open your hearts. Open them to one another and let that love spill out into the world around you. The prayers in this service today speak to the exemplary function of a good marriage, a model of Christ’s love for the church. As an old married couple now, you will have the obligation to show others what love is all about. Let me be clear that I am not advocating PDA’s that will make your friends and relatives roll their eyes! I am speaking of modeling a relationship where others can glance in from the outside and say, “Wow. Those two really love each other.” When you have that, you are required to share it. This is clear in both the feeling of the Song of Solomon reading, and the advice of Paul to the Colossians. “Let the word of Christ, rich as it is, dwell in your hearts.” Live with open hearts.
#3. Vacation. Now this might seem an odd choice for this list, and no, it is not just a way to work in my obsession with the beach! Vacation here refers to regularly leaving the flurry of life to focus on each other. It might be a walk in the park without Raleigh. It might be dinner out or a drive to where you can view the sunset together. It might be turning off the video game or the phone or closing down the work –from- home- computer. It is capturing, in some way-- every day-- the feeling of being away from the demands of your lives and deciding to be utterly present to each other. We often remember on vacation what really matters in our lives. Vacation every day.
#4. Everything is better in the morning. People who are gifted at foundation building need to know when to just let go and catch a few zzzz’s. There are really amazingly few things that have to be solved on the first pass or in the first discussion. Sleeping on it (see rule number 3) can actually make the decision easier and less full of strife. At the end of the day everything seems urgent; at the beginning of the day, everything is full of promise. And that leads [conveniently] to the next rule!
#5. Abundance, not scarcity. As Paul says, “You are God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved.” Do not live as though you never have enough, live as though you have everything. After all, in your love for God and each other, you do! Be generous and optimistic, for that is of God. Sing as the Psalmist sings, “God, our God, has blessed us.” Live that knowledge a hundred times a day. It will change not only your lives but the lives of others around you.
#6. Listen. You listen well to what each other says already. But never forget to listen to what is not being said. What is the reason behind what is being said? Forget the words—what is the tone of voice telling you? What are the eyes saying? What do the tears really mean? And answer with your own hearts. In this way, you will know that “Deep waters cannot quench love.”
#7. Watch out for each other. Well Duuh! On the surface this is coals to Newcastle. I have never seen two people who each work so hard to make sure that the other has the advantage. But this rule has less to do with understanding that it is “all my fault that the other one is aggravated,” and more to do with just simple kindness. You will divide the labor of living together and each of you will have many responsibilities. Like the Pirate says, those are not rules, they are guidelines! In fact, forget the guidelines once in a while! Just be very aware of which one of you needs more care and balance in any given moment. In the image of warriors with your backs to each other, the world will have no chance to conquer.
#8. Affection. Plants need water. Dogs need to play. Humans need love. Never be too busy for the hug in passing, or too distracted for the kiss before rushing in separate directions. Savor the occasional email only the two of you can understand. Tuck love notes into each other’s lunches. Fold each other’s laundry. You get the drift. Make it an addictive habit! These indeed are “wise words to put into practice.”
#9. Yes. Yes should be easy to remember! You said yes to God’s love for you by wanting Holy Eucharist as part of your wedding, and yes ‘I will’ to your love for each other. You said yes to wanting a covenant marriage. And everyone here said ‘yes we will’ to supporting you in that endeavor. Embrace the concept of yes.
#10. Spirituality. Well, you probably guessed I would not leave this one out!! I have nurtured you over the beginning of a shared spiritual life, and have observed joyfully your work in that direction. I have watched you grow closer as you have considered the place God holds in your life and your marriage. Geography will prevent my further supervision in this regard, though I leave you in good hands. Paul says it better than I ever could anyway: “Sing gratefully to God from your hearts in psalms, hymns, and inspired songs. Whatever you do, whether in speech or in action, do it in the name of the Lord Jesus. Give thanks to God the Father through him.” (Just so you know. . .these are not guidelines—these are rules!!)
So have you figured it out yet? Laugh, Open hearts, vacation, everything is better in the morning, abundance, listen, watch out for each other, affection, yes and spirituality? The first letter of all of these in the not so random order given spell out :
“Love Always.”
Love always.
That is the rock. It is the bedrock of God’s love for you through Christ, of your love for God and of your love for one another. It is the absolute foundation of the presence of each person here with you today as you say your vows to one another.
And, Katie and Kent, you have been wise indeed. Because when the rainy seasons come –and they will---and the wind buffets your house—and it will—your house will not collapse. You have chosen to set it solidly on rock.
Amen.
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